


Don't be afraid to jump then fall

by cozypancakes



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Light Angst, M/M, Romance, i think he tian must be so emotionally drained after being around his family, light fluff, post chapter 256, taylor swift project
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-28 22:24:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16250999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cozypancakes/pseuds/cozypancakes
Summary: He Tian suffered emotionally while he was away. In the middle of the night, he can't keep his barriers up anymore. Mo Guan Shan does his best to comfort him.





	Don't be afraid to jump then fall

Mo Guan Shan couldn't fall asleep. The futon was uncomfortable. The lack of distractions made him much more aware of the injuries he still had. And of course, he couldn't forget the guest he had. The annoyingly handsome guest who was still paced out on his bed. The utter relief of having He Tian back was long gone. Now all Mo wanted was to understand what had happened to make He Tian look like a zombie. And as He Tian got his beauty sleep, Mo had yet to sleep a wink and it was already 2 am. 

There was shifting on the bed. That had been happening a lot these last few minutes. If He Tian decided to wake up and start bugging him...Mo wouldn't care how much he'd missed the damn bastard, he'd shove him off the balcony. 

Wait, since when was Mo openly admitting that he had missed this asshole? 

_ Probably since you had three sex dreams about him, _ he thought bitterly. 

Before Mo could try to not think about said dreams, He Tian bolted up in bed. 

"Shit," Mo groaned, flinching away from the sudden movement. He looked up at He Tian. The boy was not moving a muscle. He just sat there, staring off into space. Mo carefully sat up as well. He was afraid of scaring He Tian. Mo waited a few minutes, wondering if He Tian had gone back to sleep in that position or if he’d suddenly start saying something.

Taking a deep breath, Mo leaned forward to try to see He Tian's face. "He Tian," Mo whispered. He turned to look at Mo. There was a lost look on his face. His expression surprised Mo just as much as the tears in his eyes. There was a sharp stab of pain in his chest. He Tian looked so exhausted, even after sleeping for almost ten hours. 

Slowly, He Tian reached out a hand towards him. He Tian gently cupped his cheek in his large hand. He ran his thumb over his face. His hold was almost nonexistent but Mo felt his whole body concentrate on that light touch. 

"You think I'm disgusting too," He Tian mumbled. Mo stiffened. He could still remember that day at school. His feelings had been all over the place. Mainly, he'd been scared and of course had lashed out at He Tian. There was something in his throat, constricting his ability to breathe properly. Were his words having that much effect on He Tian? Mo had thought they'd moved past that. 

He Tian moved his thumb from Mo's cheek to run over his lower lip. Mo's cheeks were definitely scarlet now. "Sometimes," He Tian began, "sometimes I wish I could be normal. Be what everyone wants." He Tian kept staring at Mo's lips. Was he going to kiss him again? Could He Tian tell that a part of him wanted him to try? 

But instead, He Tian reluctantly moved his hand away. Should he say something? Stop him? The thing lodged in his throat reminded him that words were very hard to get out right now. 

"Sorry," He Tian mumbled. He sounded so...defeated. Before Mo could think of what to do, He Tian was turning around. Mo watched him lay down on the bed, his back to Mo. His whole body was tense. 

He Tian needed him. Whatever the fuck was going through his mind or whatever had happened while he was gone...fuck, Mo had no clue what to say. Was he going to sit here and do nothing? 

Mo didn't think He Tian was disgusting. He didn’t need him to change. Mo had actually started to think about that kiss in a very different way lately. But saying all of that emotional shit to He Tian...but if he got up and went to He Tian, he'd get the wrong idea. He'd think Mo  _ liked  _ liked him. That Mo had been thinking about He Tian in his bed for days now. How it would feel to have his hands touch him. 

Fucking fuck. 

Before he could chicken out, Mo got up from his bed. Carefully, he settled himself under the sheets of his own bed. He turned on his side to face He Tian's back. His heart was racing and he was sure his palms were embarrassingly sweaty. Would He Tian be able to feel him shaking with nerves? Slowly, Mo shifted closer to He Tian's body. There was no way to really know if He Tian was uncomfortable by this since he had already been stiff as a board before. As casually as he could, Mo put his hand across He Tian's waist. Fuck, He Tian smelled nice. And he was unnaturally warm. He was still wearing a shirt and pajama pants, but he was very aware of the skin of his arm touching He Tian's bare chest. 

Mo brought his forehead to touch He Tian's shoulder. He closed his eyes and hoped He Tian understood his fucking awkward attempt at comforting him. 

If he hadn't been paying such close attention, maybe he would've missed it. But being pressed against He Tian's back, it was impossible for Mo to not notice when He Tian began to cry. Feel the quiet sobs shake his body brought that pulsing pain in the center of Mo Guan Shan's chest back. "Fuck," Mo mumbled. He wrapped both arms more securely around He Tian and brought him as close as possible to his chest. His nose rubbed reassuringly on He Tian's neck. Shit, he was so bad at comforting people. 

"You're not disgusting," Mo told him, his voice as firm as he could make it. "There's nothing wrong with you." _ Just like...just like there's nothing wrong with me for liking you so damn much, right? _

To make sure he got his point across, Mo kissed the bit of skin that he could reach. He kept running his nose across He Tian's shoulder, thumbs rubbing soothing circles into whatever bit of skin they could reach. It took a while, but eventually He Tian melted into his embrace. A little while afterwards, He Tian brought his hand over Mo Guan Shan's. Out of impulse, and pure desire, Mo kissed his shoulder again. 

It didn't take long after that for both of them to fall asleep. 

* * *

He slept comfortably. He had been sure that the movies and TV had lied when they'd show couples wake up still wrapped up in each other. Maybe He Tian and Mo Guan Shan were just so tired that they hadn't had the energy to move throughout the night. Or maybe their subconsciouses knew that the bed they were on would not allow for much movement without someone (Mo Guan Shan) falling off. Whatever it was, Mo woke up with his face in He Tian's back, his left arm completely asleep, his legs tangled with He Tian's, and a firm grip on his right hand that was still wrapped around He Tian. A far too firm grip to belong to someone that was asleep.

Mo Guan Shan blushed remembering everything that he'd done last night. Had he really confessed his feelings to He Tian?

"Comfortable?" 

The question made Mo Guan Shan jump out of his skin. Of course the bastard was awake. He Tian took advantage of the space between them to turn over and look at Mo Guan Shan. 

Fucking shit. He still looked like death. The bags under his eyes hadn't diminished and his eyes were puffy. Yet, having He Tian's face so close to his made his heart speed up. God, it was unfair that one person was so fucking handsome. 

Mo had been so lost in his thoughts that when He Tian reached out to touch his cheek, Mo flinched. Shit. The dark look that crossed He Tian's face was immediate and drastic. Shit! No, he hadn't meant to flinch! Things weren't going to go back to how they were. Mo had meant every word he'd said yesterday, even if he still had trouble being okay with his own feelings. Mo Guan Shan had never been more sure that he wouldn't be able to ignore his feelings for He Tian. 

Fuck fuck fuck. In his panic to reassure He Tian, there was only one thing Mo could think to do. He wrapped his hand around He Tian's neck and brought their lips together. For a few seconds, Mo just lay there, putting too much pressure on his frozen mouth that was over He Tian's. Luckily, He Tian starting kissing him back properly. Mo's grip loosened and he moved back so that their lips were pleasantly touching. He was hyper aware of the feel of He Tian's chapped lips against his, and then of He Tian's hand on his hip. The feel of He Tian running his tongue along his lower lip went straight down to his dick. 

"Fuck," Mo Guan Shan pushed He Tian away. Shit, his face was burning. He looked at He Tian's face, afraid that he'd be offended for being pushed away, yet there was only a smug smile on his lips. His very delicious, soft lips...fucking shit. He'd fallen hard for this boy. 

"I-I should, um, breakfast. I'm gonna make breakfast." Mo Guan Shan jumped out of bed and stumbled over the futon to get to his bedroom door. He slammed it closed on He Tian's laughter. Had it really been yesterday that he'd been standing in that same position in a very different state? "Fucking bastard," Mo Guan Shan mumbled. He covered his face with his hands. He was still so fucking red. He'd kissed He Tian. And He Tian had kissed him back. They'd kissed. 

He'd deny the smile on his face till his dying day. 

**Author's Note:**

> I need these two to be happy! Thank you so much for reading this. Please leave a kudos or comment.
> 
> Story and title inspired by Taylor Swift's "Jump Then Fall".


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